Cute or Sexy?!

Am I cute? Or sexy?


Oh god…WHY AM I NOT SEXY?!!!

Yes, people. I understand.

Just the other day, I was binge-watching Buzzfeed videos on Youtube (because really, what actual person doesn’t watch or read Buzzfeed in today’s society, am I right? Just kidding! ;)), and came across this video about the “struggles” of being cute and never sexy:

In any case, this video particularly struck me, because I recently reblogged an old post of mine about having a baby face, despite being a full-fledged woman in her twenties (for the post, you can find it here).

And both got me thinking: why the hell are we making such a big deal out of looking sexy, instead of cute?!

I believe that there’s too much emphasis placed on sexiness in today’s society, specifically for women: having a low, sultry voice, being tall and slim, seducing men (and women!) alike with their, erm, “assets,” etc. To have that specific “look” is to be attractive, and to be attractive is to be popular and successful in life. Or so that’s what people assume. 😛

As a result, other kinds of “attractive factors” (e.g. cute, quirky, pretty, nerdy, chic) get pushed to the side, never taken seriously, and is certainly not fair to those who just don’t have that extra “umpf” to their catwalk. Those people feel overshadowed by their sexy counterparts, and feel pressured to get to that level through cosmetic means, whether through makeup, a wardrobe change, or even (and most extreme) surgery.

Really, it’s sad. It’s a shame that some people go exceeding lengths to get that “sexy” look. I blame the media for broadcasting this image of the ideal female, all over TV shows, films, advertisements, heck, even store products! It certainly doesn’t help “non-sexy” woman feel better about their situation, you know.

As a woman in her twenties, I have been told countless times that I look “cute.” Perhaps it has something to do with my full cheeks, rather big-ish eyes (especially for an Asian), and my awkward sense of self when I interact with people. Those traits– physical and behavioral– have labelled me as “cute” or “adorable,” and for the longest time, I wish that people wouldn’t call me those things. I didn’t necessarily wanted to be seen as “sexy,” either, but with the word “cute” comes the connotation of not being taken seriously- like a child, or something. I am a pretty independent person who has a lot of opinions, and to see me as an innocuous, child-like person based on looks is rather…demoralizing. Strong word, but it’s pretty true. :/

Yet, even though I don’t particularly enjoy being called “cute” or “adorable,” I’ve learned to embrace it. Own it, even. I know that I won’t ever be called “sexy,” and that’s okay, because although there are “merits” to having sex appeal (e.g. getting guys and girls easily, being popular), there are also problems with being slut-shamed and only regarded as eye-candy or sex objects for people’s pleasure (can anyone say boobs and butts?). Not saying that being sexy is a bad thing, but just like with being cute or quirky, sexiness also has its pitfalls.

Look, it’s one thing to be called “cute,” and its another to be called “beautiful” or “sexy.” But regardless of what we’re called, it’s a compliment- take it. Being told that we’re “adorable” shows that someone is paying attention to you and perhaps finds you attractive. Being attractive doesn’t equal sexiness- and I think it’s about time that we change our mindsets about that.

For me, personally, I actually find an individual more attractive when he/she is “cute;” in fact, I would be more inclined to go up to them and start a conversation over someone who’s “sexy,” just because they appear more approachable than a “sexy” person. Not that I wouldn’t want to strike up dialogue with someone sexy, but I would definitely feel more intimidated doing so. Take notes, future lovers! 😉 ❤

Basically, the point of this post is to say this: be you. You do you, boo. All of that “loving yourself for who you are” motivation for the soul. Work with what you got, even if society has completely different standards; you will be surprised that many people are becoming more open to other kinds of attractiveness these days. Pick clothes that you love and flatter you, utilize your makeup kit with confidence (but don’t get too over-confident!), and carry yourself how you want to be regarded as. Forget sexiness: confidence is in. 🙂

— The Finicky Cynic

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9 thoughts on “Cute or Sexy?!

      1. I wouldn’t say that society sucks, but it does have its problems of labeling labels that aren’t very flexible. Things are slowly changing, though!

  1. Well I wouldn’t say “sexy” people have it exactly easy as well. Imagine a totally fictional situation (that definitely has not happened to me): you meet a very successful supermodel at an airport and you go instant fanboy/girl. And you manage to speak a word to her and whatever s/he does to make you two feel more equal you can’t help thinking “O-M-G”. And no, this has never happened to me. I’m way too cool for this.

    1. I definitely agree. I briefly mentioned what you just said in the post, where sexy people, while attractive, also have the tendency to be slut-shamed and seen as sex objects to ogle at. Really, no one has it easy.

  2. I kind of understand what you speak about… I feel totally weird when I am called sexy when I didn’t try to express that. I prefer when people say I am cute or adorable. I also prefer to be called beautiful than sexy, but I think it only depends on who you are and who you want to be and say through your body. As you said, just be you. 🙂
    You could be interested in the last post I wrote. That kind of subjects really fascinates me! Thank you for sharing your story x

    1. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I think that I understand what you’re trying to get at: “sexy” is a term that seems to have the connotation of physical attraction, even that of sexual, while “beautiful” connotes physical attraction, but in the aesthetic sense. So yes, depending on how people want to be perceived, these two terms have subtle, but different meanings.

      …and sure! I would be happy to check out your last post. Thanks again. 🙂

  3. A have a young daughter so I occasionally think about stuff like this (and worry about it). Sally Fields was always cute; Farrah Fawcett and Bo Derek were always sexy. (I mention these ladies because we have the advantage of time and perspective.)

    Cute had as much to do with Fields’ large cheek and big smile as it did the way she dressed, did her hair and makeup, and acted (as in carried herself) which is part of her personality. And let’s face it, those things helped get her roles as Gidget and the Flying Nun, which perpetuated the cute image.

    Derek and Fawcett were sultry and dressed like it, acted like it, etc.

    However, Bo Derek could always look cute and act cute. So could sexy women like Sharon Stone.

    How you CARRY yourself is the biggest thing. Attitude is sexy. Confidence is sexy. Sexy is sexy.

    Look at different actresses who are able to play varieties of roles and see how they do it. Why actresses? Because we are what we practice to be, and if you want to demonstrate some aspects that are different, it’s easy to learn from people who do it for a living.

    The most interesting things about any woman are her rain and her inner beauty, and those will eventually shine through.

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