Falling in Love…

…with your best friend.

Yes.

We’ve all been there, haven’t we?

A while ago, I came across a BuzzFeed video (oh, those darn, addicting Buzzfeed videos!) that just absolutely hit me in the feels. Titled “When You’re In Love With Your Best Friend,” this short narrative follows an individual’s train of thought in a day while hanging out with her best friend, who she has been with for three years and is in love with.

At once funny and poignant, the video definitely reminds us of that conflicting feeling of being in love with your friend: willing to sacrifice all for him/her, but also too terrified to tell him/her how you really feel about him/her, for fear of the possible (negative) consequences.

…and that cliff-hanger, though…SO NOT FAIR! 😛

At the same time, however, I consider the inconclusive ending to be a representation of what things “could be” between two friends, especially moving forward after the “big confession.” Good or bad, we’ll never know, but it is through that feeling of uncertainty that we ourselves continue to be in when we don’t tell our friend that we’re in love with him/her.

I can relate to this feeling. Throughout my *relatively* young life, I have already fallen in love with some of my friends. Some of whom I still continue to remain friends to this day.

My first love was when I was fourteen, with my friend “K” from track-and-field. For two years, I couldn’t stop thinking about her, not only because she was pretty and athletic, but also a funny and kind person. We would sometimes run together during practice, and talk about nothing in particular as we did so. Also got a ride with her to the beach during my sophomore year, and that was the first and only time that I was alone in the car with her. Nothing happened, but never did that moment feel so…intimate. At least, to a sixteen-year-old like me.

She was two years older than me, so unfortunately, she graduated before me, moving on to college and adult life. We lost touch over the years, and not too long ago, she got married. While I was surprised that she had married, I wasn’t sad; time had allowed me to move on and get over my feelings for her. I was happy for her, as she looked happy with her husband. About a month ago, I found out that she was pregnant! Another surprise, but in any case, I wish her a happy, fulfilling marriage and family. 🙂

At seventeen, I was in love with my friend “E,” also from track-and-field. We lived close to each other, and would often times walk home together after practice. I enjoyed her humor, both sarcastic and sweet; we had plenty of inside jokes, too, some of which have stuck around to this day. Plus, it didn’t hurt that she was cute. 😉

However, she was younger than me, and so just like with “K,” I graduated before she did. “E” also had another close friend who she would hang out a lot with, and I would get jealous whenever I saw a photo of them on Facebook. Not sure if I was jealous that she was having fun while I was slaying away in college, or because she was with her friend and that I couldn’t have her. Even to this day, I still get pangs of…jealousy and guilt whenever I see on Facebook that they’d gone out together.

But then again, time happened, and I slowly found myself falling out of love with “E.” While I do still have that twinge of…something when I’m with her, it has been replaced by platonic happiness, rather than love. I think it was because I knew that she didn’t seem to have the same feelings for me as I did for her (never asked her, but I assumed). I’m pretty sure that she’s straight, too, although I can never tell most of the time (aka I don’t have a very good “gaydar”). I never told “E” that I liked her, even though she knows that I’m not straight. It’s okay, though, as I have moved on, and she never knew that I liked her. All’s safe and sound! 😉

Throughout my college years and beyond, I have had numerous incidents of having feelings for my friends. Nothing incredibly serious, but still, they happened. For the moment, I am fine keeping things to myself, and perhaps one day, I will find someone who not only is a good friend, but also a good lover. We shall see.

Have you ever been in love with your best friend? Feel free to share, if you’re comfortable!

— The Finicky Cynic

Check me out on Facebook! https://www.facebook.com/thefinickycynic

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