Now, I don’t know about you, but as a twenty-something-year-old, it’s a big thing to go out at the end of the weekday and have a few drinks with your friends, especially after work. Perhaps even hit a club or house party afterwards, where there’s more booze to get one absolutely smashed the next day, not before some shit goes down that night.
I admit, I’m that type of person who enjoys alcohol just a bit too much. Admittedly, I’d go as far to say that I had a problem with it back in college, but now, after having gone through counseling and seriously reassessing my motives for drinking, I’d say that I’m better at knowing when is a good time to do so. While it’s not perfect, I make sure that I drink with people, not alone, so that I can keep myself in check when it comes to how much I actually consume, limit-wise. Definitely helps!
…and that’s my short spiel on drinking responsibly (and legally, of course!). With that said, let’s get to the fun part:
It really interests me that, when two people drink the same drink, it can yield widely-different reactions. If you’ve ever been to a social gathering where booze was offered (and people took it), then you know what I mean. From the hilarious to the scary to the calm, there are just so many types of drunk people you meet that I thought that I would share a few that I’ve seen.
Any case, let’s have a laugh (rather, a drink), shall we? Cheers!
Types of Drunk People
1. The DJ. A lover of all things music, this is the person you want to have at your party. They know which tunes to spin on their laptop, from the slutty crunk to the sober ballads. Even if they’ve had one too many vodka shots, they still got the music covered all night long.
2. The “One-Drink” Drunk. Now, this category can go one of two ways: the term “one drink” can either be 1) literally, one drink and the person walks away (smart), or 2) it’s all a lie and they end up consuming two, three drinks then jägerbomb after jägerbomb. In other words, when someone says that they’ll have just “one drink,” take it with a grain of salt…with your margarita!
3. The Michael Jackson. Normally, this person can’t dance to save their life when sober- it’s like watching a walrus trip over its own flippers. Even in their drunk state, they still can’t dance…although they think they’re dancing like the King of Pop himself.
I admit, I can’t dance, and haven’t tried in neither my sober nor drunk states; I’ve probably saved a bunch of lives from being scarred by my two left feet!
4. The Toddler. Ever met a two-year-old? If so, you know what I’m talking about. They’re loud and crazy, the center of attention, and a total diva when it comes to the booze and conversation. They’re the ones to get the most shit-faced at the end of the night, when you have to drag their passed-out ass home. At least they sleep soundly like a baby, am I right?
5. The Mother. You might this person right beside the Toddler, making sure that they don’t embarrass themselves and cleaning up after their mess (alcohol and vomit-related). The Mother is also more so than likely sober and is probably the designated driver for their friends once it’s time to go. Call them the good example, perhaps even superheroes for not touching a drop of liquor.
6. The WWE Fighter. Thankfully, I haven’t seen this kind of person at parties before (at least, not yet), but oh man, if I were to encounter them, I would be scared shitless. This is not a pleasant person to mix with, let alone have them mix their drinks and go absolutely nuts. Any little thing will set them off and before you know, your face will be ground into the floor from a knuckle sandwich.
7. The Don Juan. Call this person a sexual predator or just a plain douchebag, but it’s as if they think that they’re the suave womanizer himself after a couple of drinks. Even in their sober state, they’re most likely assholes, anyway, so while it might all be fun and games with the flirting and “buying-drink” card, it’s all done just to get in your pants (unless you want that…).
8. The Lightweight. Funny enough, I used to be a lightweight back in my early days of drinking (meaning, only a few years ago in college). After one beer, I was already feeling the buzz. I’ve upped my tolerance dramatically since then, but again, I can’t help but be super amused by that person at the party who, after one glass of wine, turns absolutely bright red and starts giggling uncontrollably. It’s cute, and again, it reminds me so much of my younger self.
9. The Host. This person is the one who made this party happen in the first place (aka inside their home). You might see them quietly bar-tending in the back, serving up alcohol to the guests or otherwise flitting from group to group, chatting and making everyone feel at home. They usually aren’t the ones getting wasted on the booze (that’s for the guests) and overall are just really pleasant people to talk, but not get too deep with.
10. The “Normal” One. I would say that most people would fall into this category, in the sense that, even after many drinks, their personalities pretty much remain the same. For instance, an introvert who drinks will probably remain an introvert for the rest of the night, give or take a bit more talkative or slightly quieter than usual. This person is also respectful of other people, being good listeners and offering good ideas to the conversation at hand. They’re the ones who have a good head on their shoulders, and whom probably you won’t ever see again after that.
…and that’s about it! Let me know if there are other types of drunk people you know of, as well as which category (or categories) you fall into! Until later, cheers!
— The Finicky Cynic
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